The Blog of elfen31

In January this year, I cheated on my bf of about 4 years because I was unhappy with the relationship and had been for a while. I wanted it to work, honestly I did. And I'm REALLY sorry that I cheated. We lived together and there were things that made me SOOO uncomfortable with the ENTIRE relationship. For one, on a Saturday or Sunday morning, I loved just being alone with him doing whatever we wanted to, but more often than not, one of his friends would turn up at our doorstep. This was uncomfortable because I loved wearing t-shirts only around the house and I had to basically make myself uncomfortable by putting on more clothes to accommodate the extra company. It was just too much. We discussed the problem several times to the point where I suggested that he get a gf who was more sociable. He also was sort of a neat freak and castigated me EVERY day for not being the same. He would say that I wasn't "wife-material" which yes, hurt like hell. He told me that he said this to make me a better person.

I unfortunately however do still have feelings for him. I think about him every day and I have to pass his home EVERY day I go to work. It's painful. EXTREMELY painful. I sometimes honestly yearn to be with him not just to have a bf but him specifically, but then I think of the difficulties we had and I just don't know that I could ever go back to that.